1. Listen, I don’t want to jinx it, but second episodes tend to be big on this show.
2. I mean, Jon Snow came back from the ever-lovin’ DEAD in Episode 2 last season.
3. So let’s see some fireworks, huh?
4. OK so clearly Dany doesn’t trust Varys one bit. Good call, tbh.
5. Oh shiiiiiit Melisandre’s here!
6. Y’ALL PRINCE HAS NO GENDER IN HIGH VALYRIAN.
7. I mean, we were all pretty much assuming that Dany was a candidate for the Prince Who Was Promised but it’s nice to hear.
8. “Ned Stark’s bastard?” Haven’t heard that one in a while.
9. “He sounds like quite a man.” Girl he is but he’s your nephew so don’t get any ideas.
10. OK also don’t tell him to bend the knee, everyone’s been telling him to bend the knee via raven, you’re late to the game.
11. I can’t believe we’re already at the point where we’re talking about dragons vs. wights, IT’S HAPPENING PEOPLE.
12. Honestly everything Cersei is saying about Dany is kinda true?
13. She did crucify people and feed them to dragons.
14. Oh mannn, it’s Sam’s asshole dad.
15. “Rickon, isn’t it?” “Dickon.” Lol nice dig at George R.R. Martin’s character-naming habits.
16. Daaaamn, Asshole Tarly is throwing some shade.
17. WAIT Jorah gets just one day?!
18. That’s harsh, Slughorn.
19. I do NOT like how series Cersei and Qyburn are getting about killing dragons.
20. OK yeah, that’s a big-ass crossbow.
21. Honestly, just tell Ellaria to go home.
22. OLENNA CAN STAY THO.
23. “Be a dragon.” YAS BITCH.
24. Aww still here for Missandei and Grey Worm.
25. “You are my weakness.” Are we in a Nora Ephron movie? Because that is some ROMANTIC SHIT right there.
26. No no Missandei you don’t understand that was romantic as hell.
27. OK listen up you sons of bitches, if anything bad happens to Grey Worm we’re shutting this whole thing down. All of it.
28. FINALLY. I mean listen, I’m very sorry Grey Worm doesn’t have a penis but it’s nice that these two finally realized you don’t necessarily need one to get BIZ-ZAY.
29. Seriously if nothing good happens this week, at least those two banged.
30. Oh shit, Sam’s about to get all Grey’s Anatomy up in here.
31. He’s about to cut Jorah’s metaphorical LVAD wire.
32. Oh good lord he’s going to literally peel off Jorah’s skin.
33. Great, it’s oozing. In close-up.
34. Why is everything that happens in the Citadel so gross?
35. OK but that cut to the guy’s shepherd’s pie was BRILLIANT.
36. OH my god, it’s an Arya/Hot Pie reunion!!!!
37. “You’ve been making pies?” “One or two.”
38. GIRL GET YOURSELF TO WINTERFELL RIGHT NOW.
39. Come on, plenty of time to kill Cersei later.
41. Well Jon, if Lyanna Mormont tells you to stay, you pretty much have to stay.
42. Good lord Sansa, can we have one meeting where you don’t undermine your brother?
43. Yeah, Jon, you can go ahead and start throttling Littlefinger anytime you like.
44. YES. Dude’s gross. Kill him and his weird untraceable accent.
45. What’s Littlefinger’s end game here? Thus far he’s succeeded in making everyone everywhere hate him.
46. Oh dammit, I just realized Arya’s going to get there and Jon will be gone.
47. Startled horse, snarling sounds in the forest…
48. IT’S NYMERIA TIME.
49. Nooooooooo 🙁 it’s not Nymeria time.
50. OK listen, that was sad, but we’re GOING to see Arya commanding an entire pack of wolves at some point. I need that to happen.
51. “A foreign invasion is under way.” Another season, another bunch of hilarious dialogue from the Sand Snakes.
52. PIRATE FIGHT.
53. Has Euron been stabbed like, 12 times? How is this dude still standing?
54. Aha, so Ellaria is the “gift” for Cersei. Makes sense.
55. Theon. Come on now. Pull it together.
56. NOOOO. Ramsay is still in there. Poor Theon.
57. Well there you go, everyone who complained about the Sand Snakes. ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?!